Hardest part about getting a job? getting the interview so you can get the job. So how do you get the attention of someone who has never met you? and doesn’t know the first thing about how super-amazing you are? More and more hungry job seekers are finding “shock value” is making it easier to get your foot in the door and get an opportunity to show your mug. So if you have a stellar resume and aren’t getting much action, try this introduction letter on for size and see what kind of response you get.
I think this job is exactly the position I’ve been looking for!
Forget all the other candidates for this position, I am the BEST.
- Organizing shit? Check.
- Calling numbers and shit? Doublecheck.
- Customer support and shit? Mega-check.
- Faxing numbers and shit? MOTHERFLIPPING CHECK ALL OVER THAT.
Don’t believe me? Check this shit out:
- I am devilishly handsome: I was Prom king two years in a row with two different queens.
- I am ridiculously smart: I can solve any Rubiks cube in front of your face with my magic fingers. I will bring one to prove it.
- I have pinpoint accuracy: I killed a hawk once with a ninja star (sorry aviary)
- I am good for office morale: When someone cries I am all sympathetic and shit.
Need my resume? Nope. Not with you got my FACTS!
- I am honorable: I am the son of a librarian and a capricorn.
- I am brave: I fight crime on weekends. I don’t wear a cape yo that shit is for PIMPS.
- I am dependable: Just call my name and I’ll be there.
I’ll pop in tomorrow to get my paperwork all signed up around 11am. No need for an interview, trust me you will love me. I got your address from Google, because my Internet research kills are the shit. I actually have been to a spa near your building before a few times so I already know the area.
Love,
Alex
PS. My favourite colour is TOUPE because it rhymes with DOPE!!