We’ve heard the argument forwarded by men that it doesn’t matter much what a
woman wears when it comes to bedding her, it’ll all end up on the floor anyhow.
We at Swagger tend to disagree.
There is nothing on this earth anywhere near so good as a woman who’s dolled
herself up for the sole purpose of revving her man’s engine. The gentle art of
“slipping into something more comfortable” has an effect powerful enough to
stop and start wars, let alone make you forget the names of the friends you bailed
on earlier that evening. Not only is the effect intoxicating and the effort easy to
appreciate, it also has the effect of pumping up your lady friend’s mood as well,
which has done nothing but improve the outcome of every single case of consensual
sex ever recorded. So yeah, fancy undies, we’re fans.
Once you’re into a relationship deep enough that you’re in the position of picking
the outfit your better half will be slipping into, you’ve stepped into a no-man’s land
of dangerous risk and acute reward. Swagger has put together a list of things to keep
in mind, so you can make sure a loaded gift lands you a night of pleasure instead of
an evening in the dog house.
#5. Measure Twice, Gift Once.
The dangers of picking a sexy teddy in the wrong size should be obvious, but in
case they aren’t, here goes. Overshoot and you’ve got a woman who figures her
man is a chubby chaser prepping her for the trough, undershoot and you’ve opened
Pandora’s giant box of gender issues. This effect varies from woman to woman,
but if you think that guffaw will help your cause, you’re kidding yourself. So sneak
through her underwear drawer and get them right, if you have to, bring in a bra
(clandestinely) to the store.
#4. Don’t go overboard.
The object of frilly underwear is to be edgy and naughty, pushing the limits but
(and this is important) only slightly. You know your girlfriend/wife/au pair better
than anybody else, so you know how freaky you should go, a lot or a little. It’s ok
for her to feel a little dirty, it’s not cool for her to feel like she’s Bruce Willis in Zed’s
basement.
#3. Front Clasp.
You wanna know what kills the mood? The eye rolling moment when you start to
struggle with a bra strap. There’s a trick to it that’s not impossible to master, but too
easy to mess up, and if you’re off your game, a simple flick of the fingers turns into
underwater safe cracking. Front clasps are the best thing to happen to bras since
silicone. You unwrap the present with more ceremony, and you can see exactly what
the hell you’re doing.
#2. Quality
You might not be as fine-tuned to the subtle differences between silk and polyester,
but I promise you she is. Maybe you want her to look trashy, but she doesn’t want to
look cheap, and grabbing that number that caught your eye in Walmart is probably
worse than no underwear at all.
#1. The Performance
She’s dolled up to the nines, so make sure you let her know the effort and pageantry
is well worth it. Ripping it off in a frenzy might not be the worst idea in the world,
but however the moment takes you, make sure to let her know how much it’s
working for you. Positive reinforcement is key to repeat performance, now go to it.
Written by Jeremy P Beal
