If you’re a guy that struggles with sharing their emotions, this won’t be the first time that someone has brought up the fact that unless you change this, most of your relationships will be filled with chaos and drama.
Why is this? Why do men have such a hard time getting in touch with, and sharing their true emotions and relationships?
For the past 28 years, number one best-selling author, counselor and life coach David Essel has been helping men to shatter their emotional unavailability, in order to create more satisfying, and less chaotic love relationships.
“I used to be one of those guys. Whenever a woman I was dating started to pressure me for a greater commitment, one more time alone, or wanting me to be more involved with her family… I would run. escape .
For me it usually began with drinking more. Or staying longer at the office. Or doing anything I could in order to avoid the “confrontation discussions” in relationships.
So I have become the perfect person over the years to give men advice , to counsel them, to work with them and help them to shatter the long held belief systems that men just can’t communicate in love.
Here are the three key tips that men can start to use today in order to become a better communicator in their relationships.
1. Get it down on paper
Before you start to try to verbally communicate with your partner about what you’re truly feeling, write down your thoughts on paper. From the beginning of time, men have been encouraged to be the breadwinner, the hunter, the gatherer , but not the communicator.
No wonder why we suck at it! But instead of trying to shatter long-held beliefs and patterns about communication verbally, write an actual letter to your lover telling them what you’re actually feeling. Don’t send the letter yet. But at least start to get in touch with your emotions. Are you happy? Sad? Frustrated? Angry? Disappointed? Afraid? Insecure?
Contrary to popular beliefs , it is 100% OK for you to feel all of the above feelings. When you write them down on paper, it will give you a better shot at being able to communicate what you’re feeling, then trying to shoot from the hip. Shooting from the hip has never work, that’s why you’re reading this article.
2. Get professional help
Whenever we suck at something in life, the smartest man in the world worry reach out to experts for help. So if you want to get in great shape, sure you can read all the books you want, but the best thing to do would be to hire a personal trainer.
If you want to become better at closing sales, the smartest move in the world would be to hire a business consultant, sales expert, to teach you the ways to become more proficient in your business.
Learning how to communicate your feelings is no different. Reach out. Hire a counselor, life coach, relationship expert even a minister or priest could probably set you on a good path about learning how to express your emotions. Don’t do it alone.
3. Verbal communication
Since practice makes perfect, once you’ve taken several weeks of writing how you feel when your partner frustrates you, go ahead and start to verbally share how you’re doing, how you’re feeling, one emotion at a time.
So let’s saying that she wants to spend more time with you. But you have a huge project on your plate. Instead of shutting down and drinking, or staying longer at the office, or getting mad at her… Simply state something like this.
“I know you feel I haven’t been spending enough time with you, and it’s not because I don’t love you or want to be with you. This project goes on for the next two weeks, and I’m really stressed to try to get it done on time. Since it’s Wednesday, how about we meet for lunch on Friday from 12 to 2, would that work for you? Would that make you feel better about my efforts to spend more time with you ?”
In this way, you’re acknowledging her frustration, you’re also stating the fact about your current business situation, and at the same time you’re doing something that men hate to do: compromise. You offering a solution, and while she may not be ecstatic about only having an extra two hour lunch date with you, it is proof that you’re moving ahead in love
Without compromise, especially when you’re trying to learn how to share your emotions, the relationship is going down the tank. It’s going to get very rocky, and possibly be on it’s way out the door.
If you truly love this person, don’t let that happen. Start to change now, at least attempt to change right now, the way you communicate.
I’m going repeat something I said above. Reach out for an expert. If you want to get better at golf, the smartest move in the world would be to hire a golf pro to evaluate your swing. If you want to get better at communicating, the same thing holds true. Reach out, make a commitment of time, money and effort so that your current relationship, or any future ones, have a better chance of being super successful. You deserve it, and so do they.
Need help in learning how to communicate, and get in touch with whatever emotions are going on inside? Work with me one on one from anywhere in the world via Skype and or phone. I offer courses specifically designed to help men shatter their lack of communication skills, Love and relationships, as well as Public speaking and communication courses. Check out my website for more details.