While society has become more accepting of sexually-aggressive women in the past 20 years, thanks in large part to such pop-culture events as Sex and the City, there is still a misconception that we women simply don’t enjoy sex as much as men.
Still, it’s true that some women may struggle to unleash their inner goddess between the sheets, for various reasons. If sex is becoming stale between yourself and your lady, and you’re looking for ways to draw her out of her shell, here are 10 insider tips …
#1. Discuss Your Fantasies
Start by talking through your fantasies together. You might want to do this over a bottle of wine, a candlelit dinner, or during foreplay. If she’s aroused, chances are she’ll be more open to sharing her dirtiest, kinkiest fantasies with less self-consciousness.
Let her talk as much or as little as she wants about her fantasies, but be careful when discussing your own: perhaps gauge the appropriate limit depending on her own revelations. For instance, if she shares a fantasy of wearing a PVC nurse’s uniform in bed, don’t suddenly leap to your ultimate dream of five blondes in a vat of oil.
#2. Don’t Act like an Expert
Perhaps you have more sexual experience than she does, or at least believe you do. Still, don’t act like an expert. Don’t tell her about the times you’ve already tried something she fantasizes about, or act like her desires are a little old hat to you.
#3. Treat Her to a Sex Toy
Buy her a sex toy to help kick-start a more experimental sexual-experience. Either suggest choosing one together (assuming she wants one in the first place) or ask if she’d like to shop for one alone.
A sex toy can help her discover new ways to pleasure herself or allow you both to use it during sex. Don’t push her into buying something you like the look of, as it may be out of her personal comfort zone.
#4. Allow Her to Take Control
She may not be used to taking the lead in bed, especially if you’re more confident and experienced.
If you want to bring out her inner Samantha Jones, tell her you’d like her to do whatever she wants to, or ask her to go on top during sex. This will automatically put her in a position of dominance, so be sure to tell her how exciting you find that – encourage her to go after what she wants in the bedroom.
#5. Focus on Her Satisfaction Over Yours
Make the most of her body, and focus on her erogenous zones. Take the time and effort to make her feel good and take her arousal to its highest levels; the more turned-off she is, the more likely she’ll be to lose control and let go.
Don’t rush through foreplay and her orgasm – make that the core of sex, before asking her to return the favour. She’s much more likely to be responsive.
#6. Experiment Together
Try new things together. Browse sex sites and even watch porn to discover new techniques, new fantasies.
Again, don’t act the expert: if she feels you’re enhancing your sex life together for your shared satisfaction, she’ll be more open to embracing her dirty side. Be sure she knows she can say when she doesn’t like one of your suggestions – you don’t want her to feel too afraid of disappointing you by turning an idea down.
#7. Avoid Comparing Her to Other, Dirtier Women
You might have slept with dozens of women, all of whom were like demons in the sack. Still, while that may be something you’re proud of, don’t tell her about them in order to make her dirtier.
Saying ‘XXXX would have done this’ or ‘XXXX let me do that’ will not only make her feel like she’s less exciting to you, you may also push her into something she’s not happy with to compete with strangers.
Make sure she knows you want her to be dirtier and more experimental because you want to make sex between the two of you the best it can be – not because you’re trying to recreate past conquests.
#8. Don’t Judge Her Past
While discussing fantasies and sexual preferences, she’s likely to make references to things she’s done in the past with ex-lovers. It’s easy to feel jealous, especially if she’s been with more people than you.
However, keep this to yourself. If you act stunned by the number of lovers she’s had, or appear disgusted by some of the dirty things she may have done, you’ll alienate her. You may even make her retreat into herself.
Accept she’s her own person with her own past and experiences.
#9. Make Her Feel Unique
Just as you shouldn’t drag up your anecdotes of girlfriends past, you shouldn’t bring up women you find sexually attractive in order to spur her on.
For example, if you’re telling her about a position you want to try after seeing it in porn, focus on why it would feel good for you both rather than fixating on the way Alexis Texas’ buttocks jiggle or how Kiara Mia’s breasts swing so hypnotically.
Make her feel unique, sexy, and like the only woman you’re focused on. Even the dirtiest sex should be about the two of you – she’s not there as a prop for you to act our your favourite porn scenes.
#10. Don’t Pressure Her
Don’t make her feel less worthy or abnormal because she’s not as dirty as you. Don’t pressure her, or manipulate her.
Perhaps she’s the kinkiest woman you’ll ever meet on the inside. Perhaps she’s genuinely vanilla with little to no interest in anything but missionary.
Whatever the case (and believe me, there’s a gulf of middle-ground to explore between the two), she is who she is. That should be enough for you, if you really care about her. If dirty sex is that important to you, you may have to question whether she’s the lover for you.
Sex between yourself and your lover should be fun, exciting, and satisfying for both of you. Follow these tips to help encourage your woman’s dirtier side and she may just shed her inhibitions – giving you both the sex you’ve dreamed of.