It isn’t a huge secret that women love attention and for men to listen to them, and men who can provide a shoulder to cry on or listen to their significant other vent are often appreciated in relationships. We see this trope emphasized in romantic comedies, for example, where the female lead obsessed with the bad boy finally realizes that the timid best friend was really the guy for her all along.
However, there is certainly a point where your significant other needs more than just to be listened to – but is simply neglecting you all together. If everything isn’t about her, a large percentage of your relationship is, and you might feel as though your sense of identity is waning. Your friends might have warned you that she is selfish, she might not treat you with the kind of respect that was there at the start of your relationship, and you might end up wondering: am I dating a complete narcissist? Here are four signs that you might be.
The Rules Don’t Apply
There’s nothing wrong with giving your girlfriend a bit of leeway – but you should start to take notice if the rules suddenly aren’t applicable to her as they are to you. For example, if you are expected to text back in several minutes, but if she doesn’t text back in hours, how and why is that fair? While women can be emotional, the truth is that this might truly be the budding start of a manipulative narcissist who wants to make sure that you understand that the rules apply to you, but not necessarily to her. In a way, this is her way of telling you that you don’t deserve to be treated the way you treat her.
Another way to tell if you are dating a narcissist is to see how she handles rules in general. Does she complain about lines and try to cut them? Is she rude to restaurant wait staff for no reason? Does she shoplift and try to downplay the fact that she is stealing? These are signs that she believes she is “above the rules”, which is a clear sign of narcissism.
Flaking
While it should be obvious that your own girlfriend shouldn’t be flaking on you, the truth is that men often put up with a lot in a relationship with a woman that they care about, or believe that they don’t deserve. If she doesn’t make time for you, this is obviously an issue. Of course, there are many individuals leading modern lives, so this is easier said than done.
However, if you are constantly making plans, and she doesn’t show up to them, what does that say? It might even be worse, in that she doesn’t even give you much notice that she can’t make a date. It should be obvious at some point, if the flaking is continuous, that you are dating a narcissist that values her time much more than yours.
Her Friends
Yes, we all know that you are not every friend that you have. You might be an ambitious young professional that is nothing like your party animal friend, but you two might connect over the weekend for a drink to catch up. Similarly, your girlfriend might be nothing like her friends – but if all her friends are narcissists, it does beg the question – is she, as well?
Of course, people change. However, there is definitely something to be said your girlfriend is hanging out with a selfish crowd that clearly doesn’t care about anything but themselves. What does this say about who she is? While there are many people that maintain friendships throughout the years, the truth is that part of adulthood is weeding out the toxic people in your life that might not be the best examples to follow. If her friends all manipulate men or other people with their narcissistic tendencies, shouldn’t you look closer as to whether she is doing it to you? Does she at least have other friends to balance these toxic friends out? While this might not be the fairest metric to follow, it’s something to consider.
Her Needs Come First
There is absolutely nothing wrong with catering to your girlfriend. However, there is something wrong with catering to your girlfriend all of the time. Does she take your preferences seriously? If you two have plans for the night, do you ALWAYS go with her idea? If she wants to go to the nightclub, and you want to go to a dive bar, is there at least a compromise or a conversation, or does she just get her way all of the time?
This can be an obvious sign of a narcissist. Another easy way to tell is if she is always complaining about her food or cocktail, and the way it is prepared. While we all might have her preferences, mentally healthy individuals understand that the service industry is tough and that there are plenty of people to serve, and can empathize with that. If she is upset at the fact that her needs aren’t being addressed 24/7, you are clearly dealing with a narcissist. Did your whole night with the guys get derailed because she got upset and made you leave them? Does this happen? Every woman has needs, but a true woman understands that her needs don’t always come first.
Dating a narcissist isn’t easy – and leaving them might even be harder. However, staying with them only means that you are in for a disappointment. Hopefully, these signs can help determine whether you are dating a narcissist or not, and you can adjust accordingly.