The editors at Swagger are aware that the Covid-19 Virus and the lock-downs across the globe have been challenging for many, not only financially but with our personal relationships.
Swagger Magazine wanted to tackle some relationship issues many of our readers may be experiencing, so we sought out advice from the internationally respected relationship expert, Coach Lee.
Coach Lee is an online educator for TED Talk on the science of relationships and has been interviewed by USA Today, The Today Show, Cosmopolitan Magazine, BravoTV, Yahoo Lifestyle, Fox, CBS, BusinessInsider.com, Daily Mail, Metro UK, The Sun, Elite Daily, AskMen, Reuters, E! True Hollywood Story, and The Daily Herald to name a few.
He was also an on-air contributor to “Give and Take,” a national radio show about relationships and he has been viewed by multi-millions on His YouTube Channel.
Coach Lee has also lectured at several universities including Malibu, California’s Pepperdine University. He is a Marriage.com Verified Expert, received Family Dynamics certifications along with His Needs/Her Needs Certifications in addition to assisting with Ph.D research projects on relationships and the science of human attraction. In 2011 he co-founded a nonprofit organization that works to save marriages from divorce, but moved on to more effectively help such couples – married and not married.
He has helped countless women and men get their ex back as a relationship coach. Lee has a heart for people who are hurting because of lost love. Coach Lee is the developer of the Emergency Breakup Kit and the Emergency Marriage Kit, to help people get back with their ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, or spouse.
Coach Lee was a marriage consultant with two nonprofit organizations for several years, then he went out on his own and started coaching both men and women on how to get their ex back after a breakup or separation and also on how to improve their relationships to prevent breakups, separation, or divorce.
As an international relationship expert, Lee’s experience combined with his level head make him a mastermind to turn to after a breakup or separation because your first instincts are almost always the exact wrong thing to do and can push your ex away.
We are honored Coach Lee took the time to answer a few Q and A’s.
Swagger: Dating and Dating Apps- How can our readers continue or start to date online and build a relationship during the pandemic?
*Tips for video chats- How personal should you get on zoom / video chat calls
Coach Lee: The platforms for this (Zoom, Skype, etc.) have a similar feel to being face to face and can allow for some special and unique times together. I encourage couples to use virtual platforms to have conversations and time together. Times when a couple can get together on a virtual date are also some of those things that can be anticipated which helps the day pass and the time seem less monotonous. Communication is vital so that the two of you can feel connected and a part of each other’s day. Prioritize it and be consistent.
I have heard of and suggest candlelit dinners where each person surrounds their laptop or the area in front of them with candles and often times the couple will cook together virtually beforehand. Music is selected and played via Google Home or Alexa and the two dress accordingly. Though it’s not the same as face-to-face dining, many are reporting that they really enjoy it and feel an intimacy in the effort that each put into a screen date.
Other virtual dates include bubble baths, wine tastings, fashion shows, and cooking together, and watching movies together.
From speaking with clients, I’m hearing a lot of creative dates that are more of an intimate experience due to the restriction of group settings. One of the most popular I’m hearing of, where it’s allowed is going to parks for walks or picnics. However, in many places that’s not allowed right now.
Some couples report that they each drive significant distances to get to a place where the restrictions are less so that they can take walks, shop in stores, play golf, and even fish since certain places still allow those things. I’m not suggesting that but reporting that I’m told that is happening.
The most unusual story of romance overcoming COVID-19 lock downs is where a couple lived a few blocks from each other but were in an area that was very strict. He flew a drone to her that had a rose taped to it for her. She taped a picture of the two of them together that she framed with Popsicle sticks from actual Popsicles they had eaten together. Those two were quite creative!
Swagger: Share your tips for couples quarantined – how you can avoid conflict and enjoy this time together?
Coach Lee: First, realize this is temporary and remind yourself that the future will be brighter. Most of the cause of anxiety that people face is due to looking too far ahead into the problems that may or may not exist in the future and by them feeling or assuming that the present ones will continue or worsen. Reminding yourself that this is temporary is a small thing that can payoff in terms of helping you endure the short-term inconveniences and frustrations. This too shall pass!
Discuss that with your partner and provide reassurances that this will end and the two of you will be able to experience the life you did before.
Talking can be overrated. What I mean is that most of us have been told all of our lives that we should ‘get things off of our chest,’ or in other words, if we feel wronged or angry about something that we should always speak our minds right away. While there will and should be a time and place for that, if the two of you aren’t getting along during this time, I suggest minimizing the negative conversations or disagreements that the two of you have. Not everything has to be discussed right away and sometimes reflection can change your mind on how you view certain things. My point is that some couples would do better if they spoke less about the negatives. Instead, focus on the positives, being affectionate, being a good listener, considering the positives of your partner, and attempting to avoid confrontation if possible – at least for the time being.
Swagger: There may be Marriages in trouble after spending 24/7 with your spouse, what are proactive steps to take to save the marriage and have a healthy relationship post pandemic?
Coach Lee: Couples are often surprised that they don’t explode by NOT attempting to get to the bottom of a disagreement or source of anger right away. If it persists, it’s worth a conversation when the two of you are calm. If not, then it wasn’t worth bringing up and causing strife.
Be diligent, during this time, to give the other person space and to take space of your own. Read in your room, have a glass of wine on the back porch, or go for a walk alone if possible. We all need time to ourselves. It can provide a reset and allow the two of you to be better versions of yourselves when you are together.
Anticipate planned time together. It can be a quite meal together, a bubble bath, a cup of coffee, giving each other a massage, watching a movie, cooking dinner together, or slow dancing in the moon light. Plan dates during this quarantine. Take time to think of creative ways to spend concentrated time together.
It’s also important to plan for things you want to do once we are back to a normal way of life. You could keep a journal of planned dates, vacations, and activities you would like to do together once this has been lifted. It’s important to do that so that you have something to look forward to together and individually. It will be helpful when you feel down about being in your home day after day.
Swagger: Do you have any general relationship tips for this challenging time in all our lives?
Coach Lee – There have been Zoom Engagements and for those people who have met virtually but not in ‘real life,” I will say this:
Rushing into something due to outside circumstances is certainly a red flag. When that is the case a relationship can certainly still work long term if the people involved are able to commit to something larger than themselves and believe in going the distance. So, while I wouldn’t suggest anyone rush into marriage or pregnancy because of the situation in which we find ourselves, I also don’t see such relationships as doomed.
If you are wondering about marrying someone, I’d suggest that you evaluate the following:
-How do the two of you handle disagreements?
-Do you share many of the same life goals and expectations?
-Is your partner as affectionate and giving as you? (at first, passion and intensity can overcome this but after time has passed, it hurts to not feel loved or treated with love by someone)
-Do you share a similar sexual drive and expectation?
-Are the two of you comfortable sitting in silence without feeling that a conversation must happen?
-Does this person feel like family?
If you are satisfied with those answers, a larger commitment for your relationship could make sense. If there is any doubt, give serious consideration to waiting. There will be a day, and that day seems to be coming for more and more each passing day, when we aren’t restricted to our homes and you can always make such a decision then. Don’t feel that it must be made now if you aren’t sure that you are ready.
You can learn more about Coach Lee at:
