Honda Civic – Meat and Potatoes
Nobody is ever going to call you a rebel when you pull up in a Civic, their sports
package notwithstanding, but the civic has about a million years worth of solid
rep. It’s a car that runs and will keep running longer than just about anything
else on the road. They aren’t always sexy, but they’re smart. You’re responsible,
you’re practical, and you don’t piss away your cash on an asset that’s only going to
depreciate in value. You know a good investment when you see one, and the women
around you do to.
Kia Forte Koup
The Forte Koup is one of those cars that’s out of the ordinary without making the
driver look like one of those guys that’s born every minute. It’s zippy, it’s fun to play
with, and it’s on the cheaper end of the spectrum. Any woman who’s going to slip
into the passenger seat with you has probably sat through at least three “Fast and
Furious” movies and doesn’t mind a little whiplash every time the light turns green.
You aren’t going to bag any blue blood babes in this car, but you’ll get a girl who
knows her way around the best clubs and isn’t afraid of sullying up the back seat.
Dodge Challenger – YeeHaw
This beautiful piece of Swag and muscle harkens back to those Dukes of Hazard days
your older cousin probably told you about. You aren’t going to score points on this
one for maturity, but if you make no bones about being a badass, this is a car that
will get you from A to B looking and feeling like a goddamn villain. It doesn’t come
with sunglasses and cigarettes, but it should. The girl in jean-shorts looking you up
and down when you pull up in a Challenger is out for a good time, not a long time.
Volvo C-30 – Self-Satisfied
There is no better car to be smug in than a Volvo. They’re well built without being
ridiculous, they’re expensive without being flashy, and they say to everybody in
sight “Yeah, I’m successful, but whatever?”. A woman will be attracted to a man in a
Volvo but won’t be sure why. This is her ovaries highjacking the plane and steering
it towards a five bedroom house in the suburbs five years from now. The C-30 goes
great with a master’s degree you didn’t have to pay for. Bully for you champ!
Toyota FJ Cruiser – Lumberjack
You don’t want this car unless you spend most of your spare time at the cottage or
paddling a canoe somewhere, but if you need something that can bounce around off
road and then zip through the drive-through for a burger the size of a small child,
this is your ticket. It tells any prospective mate that you’ve got a thing for fresh air
and adventuring, and it especially tells them that you’re not especially grown up,
even if you’re making some decent coin. This isn’t a car so much as a lifestyle choice,
and you’ve probably got a dog taking up the back seat.
The Lamborghini 560-4 Spyder
If you can’t get laid driving this car, you have a hair-lip and smell like horseshit, or
you’re actually on fire. Even then, you could probably arrange some heavy petting.
This is the kind of car that only the privileged few will ever own, the kind of machine
that makes you happy for the rest of the day just by looking at it. If you pull this car
off, you’ve just made the Swagger Hall of Fame, let’s just hope you use your powers
for good.
